I feel so betrayed by "time", I never appreciated what "quality time" (or "QT time" as my dad often called it) offered until my children began rapidly metamorphasing once they turned 4 weeks old. My first born will be 7 in 9 days and my heart aches for the little baby I just held in my arms which seems like only an hour ago! And my daughter is not on times side either..everday for about a month now she is always telling me she wants to be big..I just look at her as she is stomping around in my high heels and dripping with glittery beaded necklaces and I ask her, "Why?? What's so great about being 'big'?" She just shrugs and sash shays/wobbles away and makes time fly even faster. I have to fight the temptation of going out and buying some Huggies and slapping them on both my children and stuffing them in the baby carrier and forcing them to be my babies again...and as long as I am being honest..forever!
Every year I get less and less control of their environment, and let me tell you, I am STRUGGLING!! Not just struggling with my babies not being babies anymore, but also struggling with this new need of wanting to control every thing! Where did this come from?? Oh, wait a minute, I am having flash backs of my mom as I write this.. she kept me well sheltered..I am not kidding when I tell you I was NOT allowed to have any black underwear....insane right??? But you know I am more insane when I now get the logic (as much as I hate to admit it, but I get it!!) What is so wrong with sheltering our children? Why not let them believe the world is full of good things and the bad things will go away with a kiss on the forehead. I can hear the hubs right now telling me the little Peasley's need to know that life is not fair,... fine..but I want them to know when life gets too troublesome, my arms will always be reaching out to them!
Yes, my mom and dad sheltered me,but now, as an adult, when I go to the Kinser's house, I get this overwhelming sense of warmth that no other place offers. Mom doesn't have apple pies in the window pane, and she doesn't greet me at the door with an apron on, but the door is always open and the feeling of being sheltered is welcomed!
The fact that the spedometer is set on RABBIT when it comes to the little Peasley's growing up is surreal to me. I look at their baby pictures than look at them and still see them as babies, Nate should not be on his way to first grade but on his way to his crib (if only he ever slept in a crib!). And the terrifying nagging pain is pulling at my heart more and more as it is getting painfully realistic that I can't protect them from being picked on or from a mean teacher~ I often find myself planning and plotting ways of protecting their little hearts~the reason my hair is graying as fast as my "babies" are growing. I often wonder if the good Lord is teaching me a lesson as I once laughed at my very good friend, Marti, as she shared, with much emotion, the book, "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch, this was before I had children. I remember telling Marti the book was creepy as Marti tearfully read about the mom crawling into her adult son's window and rocked him while he slept...well here I am 8 years later, and don't think for a second that doing that very same creepy act is above me!
Not to worry though, I am making a conscientious effort to stop and really take in the moments I get with the little Peasleys and pray that some day when they are in their 30's they will feel the same comfy, sheltered feeling in our home that I have at my parents' home, and who knows, I may ban black undies from Miss Ava just to carry on the tradition!
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